So things are still in upheaval with adjusting to going back to school, we are one week in, and so far it’s going very well for both of my kiddos. We celebrated my son’s birthday and my husband’s sister just gave birth to twins so we were having visits with them celebrating their new little ones. My husband started a new job on Tuesday and he is adjusting to that. So there are a lot of changes and life happenings going on right now. I am trying very hard to keep on track with my commitment to the bible study and the “Yes” to God book. I am fighting the temptation to just let it slide by because I am slightly behind. I need to just keep moving forward and fight those thoughts of “Oh I already missed a few things, and I’m behind now so I might as well give up the hope of finishing strong.” I will refuse and rebuke those thoughts because I know this is exactly where God wants me. This is all for a purpose and I will keep moving forward in even the small things.
There was a time in my life several years ago, when I knew I was exactly where God wanted me. I was the closest to God I had ever been. I looked forward to spending time with him, I couldn’t wait to fall down on my knees and praise Him again. I prayed daily to be so entangled in Him that wherever He went I went too. I was so at peace and felt so loved daily. I recognized His blessings and praised Him often. You might say this was when my life was “good.” Though, life was not “good,” at least not by typical standards. Oh a few months before then, I would say that life was good, I was married, had an adorable curly red-haired toddler and another little one on the way. My marriage at that time wasn’t great but it was doing much better, he was joining me in reading his bible and things really seemed to be making headway. I had a nice job working with little ones, and we just moved into a cute little apartment. Life really was looking up for me.
Then God interrupted. He interrupted the plans I had for myself, for my marriage, and for my children. Having my son 16 weeks early was certainly not in my plans. The first man I ever gave my heart and 8 years of my life to, telling me he was leaving me for someone else, was definitely not in the plans. Having no income, and a toddler desperately trying to adjust going from two parents to a single mom with a special needs infant, which manifested into having terrible power struggles with me, was no where near what I wanted for myself, or for my family. This was not a “good” life at all. But it was what God wanted. I knew with all my heart this is what God wanted. I clung to Him and gave Him my entire self willingly. I had absolutely nothing to offer Him but tears and heartache.
He was with me every step of the way, even in the small things. I remember calling to adjust the information on my apartment after my ex moved out, we just moved there 2 months prior, so the landlady was rude. She told me if I broke my lease that I would have to pay, and asked where I was supposed to get the money since I wasn’t working. I said, “I know God will provide for me.” She laughed and said “yeah, right.” In spite of it I felt God with me, and I ended the call feeling completely at peace knowing it was going to be alright. I didn’t break my lease and actually lived in that apartment for 4 more years with God providing amazingly for me. In the end the landlady who was rude came around to liking us as a family and was sad to see us go. God had worked in her heart, but that was just a minor thing among everything else; my son celebrated his 6th birthday yesterday. He was 1lb 6oz. at birth with an estimated 50% survival rate of just making it out of the delivery room alive. I lived life as a single mom for 4 years and went to school got a degree, and met my now husband who is an amazing, godly husband and father. We celebrated our third baby being born a year ago, and she is as sweet as can be. My toddler grew into a beautiful vibrant young lady who loves life and her family. Sure it wasn’t what I had planned originally, but wow the experience of knowing God personally as my comforter, my protector, and my helper, is something I wouldn’t trade for my carefully laid out plans. Thank God, He interrupted my life.