So now it is week two of the OBS. We all had the assignment to read chapter 2 and 3 which focuses on not only discerning what God is saying to us, but also obeying it. There were so many gems in those chapters. However my favorite is actually one that was noted by another member of the bible study, I probably would have completely missed it if I didn’t read this member’s posting. Thank God I am doing this with so many wonderful ladies that God uses to help to bring a different perspective and fresh insight to what I’ve read. This quote from the book is one of my favorites so far:
“Look on every fear not as a weakness on your part… but as a very real temptation to be attacked and overthrown.” (pg. 37)
A question for us to consider in the study was “Is there something God might be leading you to give up?” I considered it and thought there wasn’t really anything. He had already worked with me on several other things, I no longer listened to secular music, and I don’t drink, and I generally avoid all the “bad” things. Just when I was about to set my mind that there wasn’t a single thing. Just when my pride was about puff out just a smidgen more, God reminded me that there was something. In fact the night before, I felt a prompting to not do this thing. Just a tiny prompting that I waved away as if swatting a pesky gnat. I didn’t think twice of it until this moment when God reminded me. Not only that, but He wanted me to share it is well. God has an amazing way of keeping us humble doesn’t He? And for good reason. So, I shared it. Right there in a comment on a post yesterday, I figured that was good, anyone scrolling through the messages will probably see it. Nope, He wants me to share it for this week’s blog hop. So here I am sharing my “thing” that God is asking for.
This blog was jump-started with the OBS, and “What Happens When Women Say Yes to God” so while it was based upon that, what God is really working on, well He is actually working on a huge list of things that I can’t possibly list them all today. Really, really amazing, just truly amazing, things. When God asks for our will He floods us more than we can contain. God is an amazing, awesome, astounding God. In fact if you are reading this with me, let’s take a moment to be in awe in all He is.
“Oh Lord my God, when I, in awesome wonder, consider all the worlds Thy hands have made. I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder, Thy power throughout the universe displayed. Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, How great Thou art, How great Thou art.”
Amen! So onto my “thing.” It’s actually a humbling moment right now for God to have me share. I am thankful He is still molding me to glorify Him, so here it is…. I check my pulse daily. Several times a day. I have become so skilled in it that I can check it and no one will be aware that I am doing it. You could be carrying on a conversation with me and I would be silently checking my pulse. Why do I do it? Well about a year ago when my anxiety was full blown, One night my heart started racing and flopping I thought for sure I was having a heart attack. Went to the ER, the doctors said everything was fine and ran various tests that came back clear and sent me home. I wasn’t convinced. My heart raced all night incredibly fast, I refused to look at the heart monitor when I was at the hospital because I didn’t want to know how fast it was really going. I could tell by their faces that they were surprised and the alarm had to continually be muted. So after the tests came clear, I was sent home, my heart still pounding. I couldn’t sleep that night. I was so terrified, it was 4am slept not even a single minute and my heart was still pounding. I texted my sister who is an early riser. I knew she would be up. I told her I was so fearful and asked for prayers, I have never experienced fear like that night. She replied with my favorite Psalm, Psalm 27.
“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear, though war break out against me, even then I will be confident. One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord….”
After I got to gazing upon the beauty of the Lord, I felt so overwhelmed with His love. I lifted my hands and praised Him right there in the bed with my husband next to me fast asleep and my little one in the bassinet next to the bed. Right then the pounding of my heart stopped, I praised God again and went to sleep.
When I woke I still had the fear. I doubted what happened a few hours before, did God really stop my heart pounding, or was it just the act of lifting my hands over my head that reset the rhythm and stopped it? In any case I was determined to never have that heart pounding episode happen again, so I started keeping track of my pulse. Logically, I know that I have little physical control over my heart but fear isn’t logical. I did all the right things, I started eating healthier and stopped drinking caffeinated drinks. I started a fish oil supplement, which I never though i would take. At that time, I was able to justify it because I was breastfeeding a two month old. I said to myself that the baby needed the omega 3’s. Anyway, to make a long story.. less long.. I started taking my pulse that day. Next week will be a year ago since I started, in fact. I believe God wants me to give it to him because if I say yes to God to have all of my fears, but yet I still check my heart rate out of fear; am I really saying yes to God? So this is what God wants me to give up, the notion that I have any sort of control over my heart or any aspect of my life, because it is really He who controls my pulse, and my heart and every aspect of my life. And thank GOD for that.